I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
