My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
