Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
