You're so nebulous sometimes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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