I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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