my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
