Sry I called you an 8
I'm so fucking centered right now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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