the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
