you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
