The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
