So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
