I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
