she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
