I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
