I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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