the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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