i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
