I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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