When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
