I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
