She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
