She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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