Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
