everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
