The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
