I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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