i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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