Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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