dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
