I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They took my balls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
