i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
