I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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