Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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