Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
