Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
