hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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