We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
