it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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