I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
