yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
