His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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