so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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