i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
