so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
