Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish i was in the wii world.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
