i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
