According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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