Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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