thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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