i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
