my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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