I puked a lego.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
