Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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