i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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