We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
