she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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